One Sided Thoughts: LUST, FILANDERING AND LOVE; THE LIFE OF A POST NYSC LADY.

As Africans/ Nigerians we all have expectations both good and crazy. For young ladies who have completed the basic 9-3-4 education in Nigeria parents and family members would start looking round at every guy visiting you in light of prospective marriage. They become extra nice and friendly when these guys visit. The father who used to be very unwelcoming would share a joke or two to make the young man more comfortable and encourage a next visit. If she refuses to introduce him till he leaves questions will be raised as soon as she shots the door behind him.

This drama however, will be so subtle that as young ladies (under 30) we will only think they thought wrong this time but then we will know that it’s time we start serious consideration of the guys around us. Which is most suitable when measured against ours/ our family’s standard.

After mobilization to National Youth Service Corp (NYSC) Camp the camp presents us with so many young men and peers. Many eligible bachelors up for grabs (this situation always reminds me of the popular movie advert closing line ‘GRAB YOUR COPY NOW!). Both young and not so young ladies start putting up their best appearances in other to get the attention of these guys and maybe settle with one eventually. For those successful on camp yippee! It’s time for celebration and thinking of how and when to settle down. During this period we start devising so many means from sleeping with the guy to trying to force a pregnancy down his throat… all in a bid to get them settled. Some get lucky and some get luckier by luck I mean someone, anyone to take home to their parents. Luckier ones actually get a man with whom they can build a home; one they will find true love and true happiness.

Even after this stage there are still ladies left in their single states and like anaion(s) they become active in this environment (considering ‘age’ as a catalyst) they are willing to react with cation(s) hoping still some bachelors awaits discovery during the compulsory Community Development Service (CDS). We join all kinds of cliques (usually the ones with the most bois). It’s a period when many single ladies will prefer visiting or even staying over at the guys place doing chores in order to get his attention too. Also like every other stage some get luck while others get luckier.

Here comes the Passing Out Parade (POP) day! With wild partying and a one night stand that may cumulate into a forced/ involuntary married or co habitation or single parenthood.

NYSC is over! And there are still single ladies everywhere unleashed into the entire population scattered in different proportions among states or countries of the world. Some went for the national service with the ‘in a relationship’, ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ status, got wild and lost a good relationship for something they realized only when it was too late to be unworthy and unbefitting. For some others it was only about the flings with several bois and even others where in a deep season of heart breaks that they simply refused to come to terms with and move on.

Whatever happened, three sets of ladies pass out of the final parade. The religious, The desperate and The hardened hearted.

Ø  The Religious: these ladies where either too religious at school claiming to be holier than thou, more righteous than everyone around. They were too stern and unfriendly. Guys didn’t find them attractive preferring to avoid their judgmental and critical analysis of others. Getting to camp for their NYSC they tend to loosen up. They do all they ever condemned due to inexperience… their conscience get lost and forever doomed.

Ø  The Desperate: while they were having fun they missed themselves in the crowd, made some terrible mistakes that will haunt them for as long as they live. From a defective abortion that may have left their wombs damaged to an unwanted pregnancy whose father they are not even certain of. They want a man, anyone at this point to save them from societal shame anybody who would father the child of an unknown Daddy. The infant may end up the mother’s look alike if she’s lucky enough or he looks like he just fell from the sky not bearing the semblance of anyone around.

Ø  The Hardened Hearted: oh my! These ladies have been through a lot of ordeal either in severity or frequency. They may have been heartbroken, been through an abusive relationship (parental or spousal). Parents divorce can sometimes generate this emotional state in single ladies. Through it all they have grown a though skin and lost trust in the opposite sex. To them every masculine advance is perceived as wicked, untamed and criminal. To coat these pain and prejudice against the male sect they go by the label ‘feminist’ or ‘career women’. They have the strong desire to beat every male at his game; they are defiant, unnecessarily defensive and aggressive. Don’t mistake this they are very comfortable in the company of many men (old/young). They can be playful, flirtatious, but not very girly or naïve.

These sects of ladies where formed by societal expectations and bad experiences. The burden of the ‘need’ to be married and stay married irrespective of the state of the relationship is one pressure that makes a  thirty (30) year old lady give up on finding a happy life. Hence, men fear love outside of NYSC, they fear the mental attitude of women in their 30s they fear they may not discover their true character or be truly loved. They fear the career woman thinking she’s the vampire unleashed to suck men’s blood dry, they fear she may be out of control and out for a mission to destroy the male folk. They fear the religious, imagining a demonically oppressed image of a bleak past and a future that holds no hope for true happiness, freedom and love.

It takes a strong man, one determined and truly in love to find a woman amongst these ladies. It also takes a woman who is willing to forgive herself and leave the past behind to be able to move on, stay happy and find fulfillment with or without a man against societal pressures and odds.

Love is good, true love is better, but love which has overcome many obstacles is the best…