One Sided Thoughts: LUST, FILANDERING AND LOVE; THE LIFE OF A POST NYSC LADY.

As Africans/ Nigerians we all have expectations both good and crazy. For young ladies who have completed the basic 9-3-4 education in Nigeria parents and family members would start looking round at every guy visiting you in light of prospective marriage. They become extra nice and friendly when these guys visit. The father who used to be very unwelcoming would share a joke or two to make the young man more comfortable and encourage a next visit. If she refuses to introduce him till he leaves questions will be raised as soon as she shots the door behind him.

This drama however, will be so subtle that as young ladies (under 30) we will only think they thought wrong this time but then we will know that it’s time we start serious consideration of the guys around us. Which is most suitable when measured against ours/ our family’s standard.

After mobilization to National Youth Service Corp (NYSC) Camp the camp presents us with so many young men and peers. Many eligible bachelors up for grabs (this situation always reminds me of the popular movie advert closing line ‘GRAB YOUR COPY NOW!). Both young and not so young ladies start putting up their best appearances in other to get the attention of these guys and maybe settle with one eventually. For those successful on camp yippee! It’s time for celebration and thinking of how and when to settle down. During this period we start devising so many means from sleeping with the guy to trying to force a pregnancy down his throat… all in a bid to get them settled. Some get lucky and some get luckier by luck I mean someone, anyone to take home to their parents. Luckier ones actually get a man with whom they can build a home; one they will find true love and true happiness.

Even after this stage there are still ladies left in their single states and like anaion(s) they become active in this environment (considering ‘age’ as a catalyst) they are willing to react with cation(s) hoping still some bachelors awaits discovery during the compulsory Community Development Service (CDS). We join all kinds of cliques (usually the ones with the most bois). It’s a period when many single ladies will prefer visiting or even staying over at the guys place doing chores in order to get his attention too. Also like every other stage some get luck while others get luckier.

Here comes the Passing Out Parade (POP) day! With wild partying and a one night stand that may cumulate into a forced/ involuntary married or co habitation or single parenthood.

NYSC is over! And there are still single ladies everywhere unleashed into the entire population scattered in different proportions among states or countries of the world. Some went for the national service with the ‘in a relationship’, ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ status, got wild and lost a good relationship for something they realized only when it was too late to be unworthy and unbefitting. For some others it was only about the flings with several bois and even others where in a deep season of heart breaks that they simply refused to come to terms with and move on.

Whatever happened, three sets of ladies pass out of the final parade. The religious, The desperate and The hardened hearted.

Ø  The Religious: these ladies where either too religious at school claiming to be holier than thou, more righteous than everyone around. They were too stern and unfriendly. Guys didn’t find them attractive preferring to avoid their judgmental and critical analysis of others. Getting to camp for their NYSC they tend to loosen up. They do all they ever condemned due to inexperience… their conscience get lost and forever doomed.

Ø  The Desperate: while they were having fun they missed themselves in the crowd, made some terrible mistakes that will haunt them for as long as they live. From a defective abortion that may have left their wombs damaged to an unwanted pregnancy whose father they are not even certain of. They want a man, anyone at this point to save them from societal shame anybody who would father the child of an unknown Daddy. The infant may end up the mother’s look alike if she’s lucky enough or he looks like he just fell from the sky not bearing the semblance of anyone around.

Ø  The Hardened Hearted: oh my! These ladies have been through a lot of ordeal either in severity or frequency. They may have been heartbroken, been through an abusive relationship (parental or spousal). Parents divorce can sometimes generate this emotional state in single ladies. Through it all they have grown a though skin and lost trust in the opposite sex. To them every masculine advance is perceived as wicked, untamed and criminal. To coat these pain and prejudice against the male sect they go by the label ‘feminist’ or ‘career women’. They have the strong desire to beat every male at his game; they are defiant, unnecessarily defensive and aggressive. Don’t mistake this they are very comfortable in the company of many men (old/young). They can be playful, flirtatious, but not very girly or naïve.

These sects of ladies where formed by societal expectations and bad experiences. The burden of the ‘need’ to be married and stay married irrespective of the state of the relationship is one pressure that makes a  thirty (30) year old lady give up on finding a happy life. Hence, men fear love outside of NYSC, they fear the mental attitude of women in their 30s they fear they may not discover their true character or be truly loved. They fear the career woman thinking she’s the vampire unleashed to suck men’s blood dry, they fear she may be out of control and out for a mission to destroy the male folk. They fear the religious, imagining a demonically oppressed image of a bleak past and a future that holds no hope for true happiness, freedom and love.

It takes a strong man, one determined and truly in love to find a woman amongst these ladies. It also takes a woman who is willing to forgive herself and leave the past behind to be able to move on, stay happy and find fulfillment with or without a man against societal pressures and odds.

Love is good, true love is better, but love which has overcome many obstacles is the best…

MUSINGS: A LEGACY THAT BENEFITS OUR GENERATION

We the Nigerian people have aired our views through various channels on the weaknesses and inadequacies of our government. Several surveys and studies have been carried out on and about the common Nigerian from surveys that show that we have the fifth (5) sexiest language on earth, through to those that state that most Nigerians live below poverty lines. We have been rated on sports, crimes and socio – economic profiles and all these more often than not contribute to the way we are perceived by the outside world.

Nigerian citizens have suffered many a setback on the heels of our diversion from an Agro Based economy to an economy which solely depends on the exportation of crude oil.

However, looking on the faces of many Nigerian youth or listening to a group of youth’s conversations what we tend to hear is the need to cause a revolution some believe in violent revolution others believe in a more subtle change while a few others have lost all hope for a better Nigeria. Whichever category we all fall into we all have an innate desire for a better, brighter and more promising future. We all want a better life to retire into and a better life for our children, but the question remains are we ready to have this future as a reality or do we want to remain in the ‘e go better’ dream we were born into?

Our generation has mostly suffered the bite of Nigeria’s economy. Most of us grew up hearing our parents talk about the good old days and how everything from jobs, to career opportunities to the easy of acquiring possessions to the presence of quality socio infrastructure were in abundance this most of us can only see with our mind’s eye.

Out of the bitterness of our realities we blame our parents for bringing us into a world that was unprepared, a shanty place were new born are welcomed with the cold realities of poverty and hunger, a place where dreams die before they are even born. We blame our government for all inadequacies from bad roads, inadequate water supply, poor housing, transport, poor salary structure, poor healthcare and so much more. We blame religious leaders for amassing wealth and teaching the gospel of prosperity, we blame our peers for misleading us and influencing us wrongly, we blame the west and world powers, we blame God for creating us a Nigerian. We blame! Blame!! Blame!!!

But what we have not explored has youths is our stake in the positive transformation of our beloved nation. We have refused to look inside of us and determine what or how we can make impact, on reaching positive changes in our society.

Many of us have attended various Tertiary institutions where the mediocrity of our generation becomes very obvious, while some girls believe that they cannot succeed except they satisfy the animal  urge in their lecturers some young men however, believe they must settle (bribe) lecturers in order to pass  this attitude has lowered the quality of education these sets of  youth have, hence making them unemployable after graduation they can neither get jobs based on merit even if there were any available, nor can they generate income through genuine and legal means because most have deadened their intelligence by believing bribery is the only way out.

When we eventually enter the employment market some still scale through and get well paid jobs through these shady means and we continue the tradition of bribery, corruption and laziness. Many of us take jobs we don’t want to work at. Many have become teachers of the next generation only to earn a salary. We do not attend classes or pass any form of knowledge to the generation coming after us how can we? When we had paid our way through school and made no effort to invest in educating ourselves. While some of us in public service are no better because bribe has become our major source of income. We complain that the pay is too small to cater for our responsibilities and this is the excuse we give to justify the need to continue to wallow in corrupt practises but to debunk this excuse all one needs to do is to see the amount of money been spent every weekend for birthdays, weddings and even burials of relatives who died a long time ago. The number of exotic cars on the streets and the number of shopping mall activities (a recent survey showed Nigerians as the second biggest shoppers in the United Kingdom). This entire scenario confirms that if we become modest we can still survive, work honestly and make a change that would change our future for good.

In order to change the present and make the future what we would like to be a part of is not a journey of one night. The road will not be easy, but we have to be willing.

To this I’ll quote my favourite secondary school teacher’s words ‘nothing good comes easy’ Change no matter how subtle or aggressive it may be we all need to change, change for good to create for the next generation the  reality we only dreamed of as youths.